We Left Our Heart in Israel

As we sat in the back of a taxi on our ride from Jerusalem to Tel Aviv to leave Israel, we were heartbroken. We had waffled back and forth all day as to whether to stay or to leave. Family members had called throughout the day in large numbers, all begging us to leave the Middle East. Some called tearfully; some called urgently.

Since this is our first trip to Israel, we had never left it before. As we looked out the taxi's windows, what had once seemed foreign now seemed purely beautiful. Soft, mournful songs played on the radio. Tears rolled down our faces.

When we arrived at the airport, we sat in the kosher food court and reconsidered what we were doing. Should we catch the next taxi and go back to Jerusalem? How could we consider staying in a country at war? What was the right thing to do? Since our bags were already on the plane and the tickets already paid for, we reluctantly decided to board the plane to London.

In London, we stayed in an airport hotel so that we could think about what to do next. We watched the news, napped, thought, and talked.

We felt like we had left our hearts back in Israel. Throughout the day, this underlining feeling grew ever stronger.

The closest analogy I can come up with for our feelings was right after 9/11 in the States. It was a shock that everyone in the country felt. It brought people out of doors to talk to their neighbors. Weeks after the event, if not months, emotions ran high. Though fearful of further attacks, people felt unified rather than feeling like fleeing.

Leaving Israel made us feel like we were fleeing. But what were we fleeing? We weren't sure. It was more like we were abandoning our commitment to the country. We had decided before we had even arrived that we were to be in Israel for a year. And here we were, just three weeks later leaving for London.

We felt empty, lost, and regretful.

I apologize to both our entire families and to all our friends, but we felt that we must travel back to Israel. On Sunday night, we got back onto a plane and headed back to Tel Aviv.

We are now back in Jerusalem. We specifically chose an overnight flight, so that we could make it back early enough to go to our Ulpan class this morning. When we arrived at school today, everyone hugged us. They were so glad that we were back and many couldn't believe we had so quickly made a trip to London and back.

I think we needed the experience of leaving to understand our true feelings of the situation here. Don't get me wrong, it is still scary to be in a country at war. However, sometimes you just have to know in your heart where you are meant to be. At this time, we are meant to be here in Israel.